With COVID-19 in full swing and the holiday season approaching, some might be wondering “Is 2020 over yet??” The holiday season can really be a stressful and lonely time for many people. And now that we are throwing a global pandemic into the mix, feelings of isolation might be an even more common theme than it already has been. I am right there with you, if you can’t wait for this year to be over. For all of you feeling this way, know that you are not alone! Also know that there are many things that we can do to get out of our holiday season funk.
First of all, let’s start by being kind to ourselves! Know that your feelings of isolation and loneliness are valid and it’s OK to be feeling what you’re feeling. Don’t beat yourself up! Feel those feelings, but try not to sulk in them for too long.
If you’re waking up and automatically feeling dreadful of the day to come, start your morning by thinking or writing out the things that you are grateful for that day. Write as many as 20 things. It might seem hard to write 20 whole things you are grateful for, but they don’t need to be huge things! Something as small as being grateful for hot coffee in the morning or a sunny day will do the trick. Also, don’t you dare start thinking down on yourself. Think about or write down all of the things that you love about yourself! Although these exercises seem simple, they are very effective!
“Do good, feel good.”
We’ve all heard this phrase before. Guess what? It really works wonders. The idea is that by doing something good for another person, you will in return receive what some might call a happiness “high.” You also don’t need to do anything crazy, but something as easy as holding the door open for someone, complimenting someone, or sending a nice text to a friend or family member will do the trick. Doing acts of kindness like these sorts of things will also help you feel more connected to other people. I don’t know about you, but I could definitely use a little bit more connection with people, especially during this pandemic.
In fact, feeling connected to others makes us kind. Research has shown that feeling connected to other people makes us feel happier and healthier. This is something that we wanted to incorporate into our end of the year campaign, Holiday Hope. For this campaign, we wanted to find a way to help out other organizations, while also recognizing the important lady bosses and bad asses in our lives. To participate, we ask you to donate in any amount, in honor of a womxn who has inspired you in some way. We are taking 15% of that donation and donating it to another organization in the Twin Cities that has a similar mission to our own. If you have a ladyboss or badass in your life that you want to acknowledge, this sounds like the perfect opportunity for you!
Another way to help you feel connected to others is through Zoom-ing with family or friends that you haven’t seen in awhile. This is something that I have started to incorporate into my life over the past 6 months. It helps me feel more connected to my friends even though I haven’t been able to see them for awhile. Consider setting up a happy hour or eat your dinner together over Zoom! It feels almost like you’re in the same room. USA Today even posted an article on the best games to play virtually!
I’ve also been connecting with others through Netflix Party. Through a downloadable extension on your computer, you are able to watch a movie on Netflix and instant message with a friend. If you have to pause the movie for whatever reason, it will pause their movie too! If you’re someone who misses going to the movies or misses watching movies with friends, this is a great idea!
We are going to have to get creative this holiday season. Although this might not be the holiday season you were dreaming of, connecting with others through the internet will help make it feel special! In the meantime, work on being kind to yourself and participate in our FYP Connections Through Kindness Challenge.
One random act of kindness + One recurring connection + one spontaneous connection = a deeper connections December.
Happy holidays from us at Find Your Power! We will see you next year!
Gratitude and generosity are more important this year than ever. Right now, it is easy to fixate on the negatives, on the things we can no longer do, and on the things we have had to give up this year. All of our lives have changed in innumerable ways and it can be difficult to do the things we love. Moreover, it is an even larger struggle to spend time with the people we love. Nevertheless, we should not dwell on these changes. During times of struggle, it can be tempting to turn inward, to focus on ourselves and all the ways that we are missing out.
Personally, I have found that this achieves nothing positive and only brings me down. To pull myself out of that negative place, I make an effort to remember the elements of my life that I am grateful for. Last spring and summer, I was stuck at home in my small town after being sent home from time abroad that I had been looking forward to for years. I was feeling quite sorry for myself (which I’m not proud of), and couldn’t help but dwell on all the experiences, connections, and learning I had missed out on. During this time, I began to include a section in my journal about the positive things in my life that I feel grateful for. This has helped me to put problems in perspective, and to recognize the truly wonderful pieces of life that I am lucky enough to experience. When I reflect on all of the ways that I am fortunate in this life, and on the people who care about me, it is much more difficult to remain in a low place. Sometimes, this exercise takes the form of pages of writing, and sometimes it is just a simple list of the things, large and small, that I am grateful for in that moment. For example:
Some things I am grateful for:
Morning coffee with maple oat milk and cinnamon
Small paintings of flowers
A good connection on Facetime
My mom’s cinnamon roll recipe
I encourage you to write down a list like this, to remind yourself of the things you have to be grateful for. Creating a consistent gratitude practice can be amazing for your mental health. To take it a step further, you might look at this list and seek out ways to honor the people and things that appear on it. This will shift the focus from yourself, and spread the positive effects of your practice to others.
If you are looking for another way to deepen your gratitude practice, you can take a look at this app called Gratitude, recommended by our founder, Ivy. It has many journal prompts, and allows you to add pictures to your journal. You can even set a timer each day to help you make gratitude a habit.
Now, not to be contradictory but, I want to acknowledge the importance of gratitude for yourself. This is an important part of a gratitude practice! There is a lot of value in recognizing the things you do for yourself and others, and thanking yourself for doing them. Be generous with yourself too. Treat yourself with a moment to breathe, or an extra hour of sleep, or maybe a sweet from a local business (then you are giving back to yourself and your community!). I encourage you to take care of yourself, as it is difficult to express generosity and gratitude to others when we do not take note of the amazing things we ourselves do in our lives.
Generosity and gratitude are closely related. We can, of course, express our gratitude for someone else’s generosity towards us, but we can also project gratitude out into the world with generosity. The act of expressing gratitude is beneficial for our relationships, and for our own mental health. Be generous with your gratitude. Give it away like you would a smile to a puppy or a kind word to a family member or partner. That is to say, give it away often and with ease. This might take the form of a verbal thank you, or a small gift or note, or it might be a simple act of kindness. Tell the people in your life how much they mean to you, and show it with acts of care and help. Support others in your community and circle. Not only will it brighten their spirits and yours, you never know who might really need your thanks. The same can be said for acts of generosity, in your inner circle and in your wider community. As the weather turns colder and darker, we can all appreciate small gifts, kind words, and help when we need it, from friends and strangers alike.
Minnesota had its first snowfall of the year recently. Although I grew up in a snowy town in the mountains, and have nothing against snow, this was not an event that I was particularly overjoyed about. For me, snow in Minnesota signals cold, dark days in which I struggle to find joy and light, and the occurrence of inches of snow about a month too early served as a reminder of what is to come. However, I have tried to inject some positivity into it by getting into the holiday spirit a little bit early and brainstorming ways I can brighten up the lives of my friends and family. Although I am far away from my family in Washington state, taking the time to think of the ways that I will make them feel special and loved during the holidays is making me feel closer to them. I have been practicing saying ‘thank you’ more often, and appreciating the ways in which people make my life better (and letting them know when they do!). I hope that you will be able to do the same. Gratitude is a skill and a habit, and the more you practice, the easier it becomes. Every week this month, I encourage you to find a new way to express your gratitude to those around you. Get creative with it! You might find that you get just as much out of the act as the person you are appreciating does.
Reclaiming Your Routine: A Proactive Approach to Winter
By: McKenzie Hickey
When creating a healthy routine for yourself it is crucial to remember that your individual schedule may be different than your family, friends or colleagues routine. You should curate the most beneficial routine that will fit your current lifestyle. Maybe you are someone who needs to have the same routine schedule every day each week? Eat the same breakfast each morning, workout in the afternoon each day, and brush your teeth at 10:15 p.m. each night. You also could be someone who needs constant change and variability in your schedule. Maybe Monday is your day off where you take a self care day, sleeping in, FaceTiming your Mom, going on a long walk around one of the 10,000 lakes. Maybe you need to work late hours from 4-10 p.m. when your brain is most stimulated.
Something important to keep in mind when crafting your own personal schedule is rewarding yourself with smaller victories. Making a to-do list helps you stay on track, but it is beyond alright if you don’t check off each individual task for the day. Set small goals and celebrate when you achieve them. Treat yourself to binge watching a show or buying that new makeup palette. I learned throughout college that overfilling your plate tends to leave your tank on empty. I personally struggled with having a balanced social, work and school life. I had a difficult time saying no to opportunities and people, and had little time to re-energize on my own. In order to create the prime schedule for your life, sometimes you have to diminish other areas of your life that are taking up too much time. Maybe it is quitting a job that is no longer fulfilling you, maybe it is slowly backing away from a friendship that is draining you, maybe it is learning to understand that you can’t do it all. We are not unfortunately super humans, we can only mentally and emotionally handle so much in our daily lives.
Find Comfort in the Chaos:
As we are still amidst a global pandemic, it is challenging to face the uncertainty and chaos this world currently holds. Change can be thrilling, but constant change can be draining and difficult to navigate the next steps. I know for me personally, I love the idea of adapting to new jobs, living environment, changing of the seasons, etc. However, adjusting to the quarantine lifestyle was chaos that I was completely shaken by. I had just graduated from college this past December, completely uncertain of my future plans. I was certain I would move away and start this new chapter of my life in a new place, far far away from Minnesota. I applied to at least 50 jobs out of state before I realized that the probability of me landing a job out of state was highly unlikely. It took awhile to accept that I was not being rejected because of my skills for a job, but because of the larger circumstances facing the world.
I began applying for more jobs in Minnesota and around mid June I landed my first job. The most bizarre part about when I landed the job is that after all of that time anticipating, hoping for the right opportunity to come along, I did not feel whole entirely. I had spent many days drained in my self-doubt thoughts of how I would never be good enough for any job and no one would hire me. Many of us get into these dangerous mind games where we think constantly of why we feel like failure and how we can do better. An enigmatic thought occurred that day when I accepted the job: That we are all more than a job. We are more than a college student or athlete. We are more than the expectations that have always been told to us by others. It is valid if you are unemployed. It is valid if you are still unsure what career path you want to take. It is valid if you do not have your agenda filled out for next week.
With all of the uncertainty these past few months, it is about finding unexpected comfort in chaos. Trusting the process and struggle, in hope that what is meant to be for you, will be. One beneficial tactic I learned during quarantine was to make the most of the free time that I had. I slept in, I read, I wrote, I ran outside, I painted, I learned the ukulele, and I had many laughs with two of my best friends who I was quarantined with. For me, it was becoming grounded in the notion that it could take months, or even a year, to find a job after graduating. Instead of ruminating on the fear of uncertainty, I began to find comfort in not knowing what tomorrow brings. I learned how to not plan my life a month in advance or a week in advance. I became entwined with the present day and comforted by all that was to be discovered in the near future.
Taking a Proactive Approach to Winter:
An important approach to staying productive: lessen the attitude that you need to do the most, while we are currently still living in a pandemic. Approach productivity with sensitivity and grace. With this approach, you can see that there is the opportunity to spend more time inside to reduce the contraction of Coronavirus among others.
Winter can be a challenging season due to the colder days and lack of sunlight. Vitamin D deficiency can lead to more intense feelings of sadness and little motivation. Two helpful ways that you can create sunlight is by buying a sun lamp, which mimics outdoor lighting. My roommate bought her sun lamp off of Amazon for fairly cheap and loves it. Also taking Vitamin D supplements can help increase low blood levels and help reduce depression.
When we begin to lose our minds while inside during long Winter days, going outside to escape seems less appealing. During the Summer and Fall there are more activities outside that keep our mental energies positive throughout the work week. However when Winter hits, the most we can withstand in the cold is maybe an hour. Therefore we have to get creative with ourselves to organize activities/outings that will keep us all motivated. Maybe it’s having an indoor paint/wine night with a few close friends. Maybe it’s connecting with a few individuals and working together on a creative side project. One of my creative outlets is conceptualizing photoshoots with some of my friends. I visualize a shoot idea and then my friends help bring that visual to life in front of the lens. Photography has been a creative outlet for me the past few years to express my ideas to others who might share the same interests. Maintaining a personal side hobby can truly increase your productivity, so you do not feel like you are only working constantly.
One of the best remedies for seasonal depression is establishing an event/activity to look forward to. A few of my close friends and I traveled to Lusten, Minnesota on Sunday and took a Gondola over all of the fall trees and it was a breathtaking experience to see how vast the fall colors spread across Minnesota. We did this four hour road trip in a day and drove back home the same day to make it to work on Monday. Planning a little road trip or activity each week or every couple weeks provides us the eagerness to stay productive during the work week. Productivity is an awesome way to stay motivated towards your upcoming goals. If you do not have many goals in mind, take time to think about what you want to accomplish before the year ends. Reflect and release any old habits that are not serving you. With productivity, also comes creating a balance between relaxation time as well! Do what aligns best for your needs and prioritize time for yourself as often as possible. Self-care and self-prioritization is an act of self-love and self-respect.
No matter what these next few months bring, always remember that you are only responsible for things you can control. Give yourself some grace and move through these next transitions in life with your intentions in mind. I challenge you to keep an open mind to what may be in store for you and you just may find out that when chaos comes, so does reflection, life-lessons, and new perspectives on self awareness. Take time to enjoy this autumn weather and the winter ahead, and make each day of your life as magical as possible, with small or large acts of self-love; because you deserve it! And you only get one life, so make it count.
“The most beautiful thing in this whole world is not made up of particles. It’s the strength of a person who has seen the collapse of their world, yet every morning, they wake up and build their life, all over again.”
These past six months have been anything but “normal”. What is normal anyway? Normal was not even applicable to my life before COVID-19 and I now realize that is ever-changing. Normal life means different things to different people worldwide. I propose we start reframing what the word normal means. One could individualize this for each person to do in their own lives, in response to what best serves them and their specific needs. Let “normal” define a lifestyle that best serves YOU and your specific needs. Normal should represent a life that allows you to be productive and authentically happy in a way that best suits you and your routine.
Almost all facets of my life have been disrupted in some way over the past several months. Most of these have been completely out of my control. Control and order have always been a strong part of my daily routine—I thrive off of organizing, planning, and scheduling my entire life. For any of you reading who can agree with me on this, this pandemic has been especially difficult, just in this specific aspect of losing complete control—financially, emotionally, and physically. Each week since mid-March this year has brought new challenges, introducing me to different coping mechanisms. I found myself frequently forgetting which day of the week it was or feeling extremely off-center mentally and emotionally. I have learned that that is OKAY and healthy. I believe each of us has discovered something new about ourselves and that may be a silver lining to all of this. I cannot simplify or deny the additional weight this pandemic has put on our backs, but I can easily expand on all of the things it has taught me about myself. The stress of the uncertainty of this pandemic has given many the opportunity to turn inwards and adapt to a journey of self-discovery that is new for some. Additionally, this pandemic has showcased the flaws and successes of our society that otherwise wouldn’t have been highlighted. It has been a learning experience for us all and there is no way anyone could have prepared our country for a catastrophe quite like this one.
As seasons are changing, so are schedules and routines. For me, school is right around the corner and I am getting ready to prepare myself for my last semester of undergraduate. Although this semester is going to look a lot different than previous years, I am choosing to go into this fall with an open mindset and accept change as a positive thing. I am a visual learner in so many aspects, so for me that vision of cyclical change of a new season represents a “reset” button. A notion of quite literally turning a new leaf and expanding my mindset to my new routine and new responsibilities. I am also using this change of seasons as a symbol of welcoming all of my incoming challenges as learning lessons. As we all know, these times are so unprecedented and unpredictable. I challenge you all to try and interpret any challenges that come your way in these next few months as an opportunity to learn and grow. When faced with a problem or unsettlement, try to remind yourself that—“Everything is happening is FOR you, NOT to you.” It can be difficult to not take things personally, I know, but the more you are able to remind yourself that everything that enters your life is an opportunity for growth, you may be able to handle challenges in a way that can help you learn and grow.
A tool I frequently use when starting a new “chapter” of my life is reflection. This can be a beneficial tool for many facets of life and allows you to be very intentional about what brought you to where you are today and how that journey has positively and negatively affected you. Take some time to sit down and be alone with your thoughts. You can possibly journal or create art that reflects how you’re feeling. By physically expressing how you feel may help you notice a shift in your thought patterns. How has this past summer benefitted you? How have you grown from the challenges of this past summer? What have you learned about yourself or your community? What worked for you and what didn’t? By reflecting on our past experiences allows us to better understand the present moment and creates a better understanding of our inner self as well.
After taking time to reflect on these past few months of summer, create some time this week to sit down and set simple guidelines for what you want to accomplish by the end of this year. We are four months away from 2021. Yes, that is crazy, but it just means you have four months to ultimately create a reality that best serves you and your goals for yourself. I am not a person who waits for January 1st to set goals for myself. It is a silly social construct that honestly restricts people from being accountable for their life. Why wait for a specific date to “life your best life”? Why not wake up each day with that mindset? I challenge you to dismantle the idea that you have to wait for a certain date to change your habits, goals, or dreams. Why not start now? I understand with unprecedented times like now that many of our habits and goals have shifted out of our control. Luckily, I have some good news for you. You are able to change and focus on things you CAN control. While taking time to set some goals for yourself during this next season, brainstorm things that are in your control and expand on how those things can help create a stable routine as we shift into a new season of the year.
With the hostile environment around us, it can be so easy to collapse at any moment from the heavy stress life pushes onto us. We may not be in control of what our outer world may manifest into, but we can unlock our inner world of peace and contentment. You and only you hold the key to that. Be intentional about your priorities these next few months, because that is a simple way to stay consistent with your habits and also allows you to break old habits that may no longer serve you. Try to frequently ask yourself “Does this support the life I am trying to create?”
Lastly, be forgiving to yourself and all that you embody. It is so liberating to commit to a life of wholeness instead of perfection. Self-forgiveness gives access to a mindset that is more compassionate and I believe we could all use a little more empathy for ourselves. As the leaves start to fall and the weather starts the change, become intentional about what you want to accomplish in the new season. Your mindset is the key to your success. Below I have added an intention setting worksheet to help put your thoughts onto paper and dreams into action. Here’s to a fresh start and new beginnings!
Be sure to checkout this month’s corresponding 3-day video challenge in our private facebook group, Elevate! + LBL, with our founder Ivy Kaminsky. She speaks on different tools that can take your goal setting and planning to the next level!
Never in a million years did I think that five letters and two digits would change my life so drastically. That I would ever understand what a coronavirus is, how it affects the human body, and feel such a strong mix of emotions every time one strain, in particular, is mentioned.
But here we are.
COVID-19 and the global pandemic that ensued changed the way many people around the world experience life. Plans were cancelled, studies interrupted, families kept away from each other, and the future became more uncertain than it has been in our lifetimes. Coupled with an economic downturn, a civil rights movement, and a presidential election campaign–this summer has thrown everything it has at us. Now it seems as if we’re living in limbo, this in-between place where we’ve grown accustomed to living in this never-ending uncertainty yet always feel stressed about that same uncertainty and what it means for the future, for our “normal” lives.
I can’t pretend to sit here and have the answers to what seem like some of this century’s biggest questions. After all, I have never lived through a global pandemic, and I’m not (unfortunately) a time-traveler from the future ready to tell you everything that happens (trust me, I wish). I can, however, share with you my experiences over the past five years months in the hopes that you may have felt/feel similar things. And maybe, together, we can begin to find ourselves again amongst the chaos of this time in history.
When I think about COVID-19, a mixed set of emotions comes to mind: fear, sadness, loss, confusion, anxiety… to name a few. I had the incredible opportunity and privilege of studying abroad in Port Elizabeth, South Africa, this last semester and was there when COVID descended upon the world. My classmates and I watched from afar as this real-life movie played right in front of us: infection rates spiked in the US, apocalyptic images of empty store shelves and jam-packed hospitals flashed across our new feeds, and other study abroad programs were sent home one by one. A Friday call with my sister studying back home in Minnesota started to open my eyes to the severity of the situation. Up until she was sent home from college, COVID didn’t regularly cross my mind. At the time, there were only 11 cases in South Africa, and all of them had come from travelers returning from Europe.
Little did I know, that was the last Friday I would spend abroad.
We got the email on Sunday, March 15th, 2020 at 7:30 PM. Earlier that day I had been surfing in the rain, wondering how I could be so lucky to be living somewhere so extraordinary, marveling at how beautiful life is. All of that is now overshadowed by three words that sit lonely at the top of my journal entry from that night: “We’re going home.”
The next week was a blur of saying goodbye to the new friends I’d made and 30 hours of traveling all boiling down to a hug-less welcome from my family (not because they didn’t love me but because of said 30 hours of traveling) and a world standing still. A country that was already foreign to me upon my return was made even more so by stay-at-home orders and a virus full of so much unknown.
Like so many, my world flipped upside down. I stayed in my basement for the first two weeks quarantining in case I’d caught COVID in an airport on my journey home. When I started classes again, with my professors in South Africa seven hours ahead of me, I was left to teach myself the material via PowerPoints, articles, and independent research. I felt abandoned as a student, but because no one was prepared to teach remotely–let alone remotely across 8,000 miles–I didn’t feel justified with my anger. I didn’t know what to direct it at other than the circumstance.
Throughout all of this turnover and distress, I felt as many others have: a longing for normalcy and a sense of hopelessness at the situation. I didn’t want to be in the country, let alone in my basement disconnected from my friends and all that I had begun to build while abroad. The confidence and understanding that I discovered slowly began to fade as the weeks went by with no end in sight. It was like I was trapped in Jello, stuck in time yet constantly jostled about by forces outside of my control.
What started as weeks turned into months of stay-at-home orders and fluctuating infection rates. Frustration at my reality and feelings of loss and loneliness began to boil over until I no longer felt them at all. After a while of hurting, feeling defeated, trapped, and angry about being home and all that I’d lost, I suddenly felt nothing. Life began happening to me without my intervention, and I didn’t care to stop it. I felt numb.
I love and connect deeply with art and poetry (although I’m not particularly great at either one), and I gravitated towards them amongst the turmoil. While mindlessly scrolling through my Instagram feed one day, I came across a post by someone I forgot I followed shortly before I left. Morgan Harper Nichols is an artist and poet whose words and style instantly voiced what I was feeling. She put words to what I thought was indescribable, and I slowly started to come to peace with what I went through and the trauma that I experienced. Her words of comfort gave me agency to fight the stuck-in-Jello feeling and apathy that had taken over my reality; they spoke to my soul. I learned to honor what happened, to hold onto the parts that felt magical, and to believe and acknowledge that even in my current state, I was growing. Her words helped center me during a time of chaos, a time when I felt as if I was just floating through space and time, just existing. They helped me refocus and root myself in reality.
Jump to present day: August 2020. It’s now been five months since the world as we knew it disappeared, and although I have begun to move past the initial struggles I had with loneliness and loss, I now worry more and more about the future. What will the next five months look like? How will they affect me, both physically and emotionally? What can I possibly do when all I see and hear are stories of what I can’t do, what I won’t be able to for a while? How can I stay centered in this time of continuing chaos?
One way that I’ve started tackling these questions is by shifting my mentality. Instead of focusing on the negative (which I found myself doing more than I’d like to admit over the past few months), focus on what you can do. This step may seem oversimplified and easier said than done, but it’s where we have to start. Think about all of the little things we can do now that we couldn’t before: we can get food from our favorite restaurant and enjoy the summer weather while eating it; we can successfully get through a Zoom meeting at work without someone’s audio mistakenly being left on; we can work and collaborate from home and in new ways that five months ago were not second nature or comfortable for us at all.
This mental shift may also mean finding that little piece of clarity in the chaos. Clarity for me came from the art and poetry of Morgan Harper Nichols and daily walks around my neighborhood. For you, maybe it’s hearing your children laugh, working out, or listening to music whose lyrics speak directly to your soul. Everyone’s clarity comes from something different; we’re experiencing and internalizing the chaos in different ways. It’s vital that we look for light, however, and don’t let ourselves get swallowed up and tossed around by the circumstances we’ve been given. We need to grab onto something, and each other, to center ourselves and focus on who we want to be.
It’s also okay just to be.
Life is overwhelming, and life during COVID is so much more so. One day you may feel on top of the world, like you’re ready to move past all of the feelings and memories brought up during the last five months and the next you may be back to square one. That’s okay. That’s normal. We’re not designed to “be okay” overnight. It takes time.
And while it’s okay to go with the flow and take each thing as it comes (sometimes that’s even necessary), don’t blindly accept the circumstances COVID has given you if you’re not happy with them. Evaluate where you are right now, and if it doesn’t match who or where or what you want to be, take action. Honor what you went through, the things and experiences that you lost, and center yourself in little things that bring you joy despite all of the difficulties. Plan a weekend trip to the park, daydream about a vacation you want to take when we can travel again, reorganize your bedroom or kitchen, etc. Move your body every day, look at plants (they increase happiness!), and feel the sunshine on your skin. Start with little things and create a reality for yourself that sits within the greater world reality.
Don’t settle for what has changed because of COVID if it makes you feel trapped/helpless or doesn’t bring you joy. Take back your life, plan for the future, and create your own reality outside of COVID’s confines. No matter how much it may seem to, self-growth doesn’t go away during tough times. It increases as we have more time to slow down, reflect, reevaluate, and recenter.
This reality creation does not mean pretending that everything is okay in a toxic, unnatural, or unquestioning way. It means evaluating your circumstances/state of mind, honoring that, and then with that understood and in mind, moving forward to make the best of your situation and reclaim your sense of purpose, motivation, and happiness. This process may not (and will not) happen right away, but it’s important to start making slow progress where you can so that you emerge from this time stronger and more confident in yourself than when it began.
As this time of unknowns continues, reclaim your life from what COVID made of it, and shift your mentality towards focusing on what you can do with the situation you’re in. Find what brings you clarity and grab onto it; center yourself in the lights found amongst the chaos. Even if you need to step back and just be, don’t blindly accept circumstances that don’t fill you with joy. Create your own reality inside of this crazy world of ours, and don’t settle for anything you wouldn’t have before. Although it doesn’t feel like it, you are growing right now. It just looks different. So give yourself the time, space, and forgiveness to foster that growth; find, hang onto, and center yourself in little things that bring you light; and continue your small steps forward through the chaos.
Looking for a place to start? Check out more of Morgan Harper Nichols’ poetry on her website: https://morganharpernichols.com/ or follow her on Instagram @morganharpernichols.
Something I wish someone told me when I was eighteen and just starting college would be, “Don’t hang onto the expectations you have coming in.” Over the past few months, I’ve had time to ask myself many questions about my own expectations. How did they come about? Are they influenced by society? Do I feel pressure from friends and family to conform to “standard” expectations for myself? Am I a failure because I have to let go of certain ideals every now and then?
Finding out who you are can be a rollercoaster of good, bad, and ugly experiences. It’s easy to feel discouraged when expectations of how your life is “supposed to go,” don’t go according to plan. Over the past few years, I’ve learned a few lessons about what it means to let go and how to achieve freedom from perfectionism.
The first lesson I have been re-learning over and over is that you’re not a failure if you have to change your original plan or expectations. The feeling of freedom can come from letting go of roadblocks and negativity. In some cases, we associate freedom with breaking out of an expectation that you originally thought was going to bring success, when in reality it’s making you more distressed. A TED Talk that does a really good job at depicting our own expectations is called Why We’re Unhappy – The ExpectationGap by Nate Ware. A quote that stood out to me during this talk was, “We’re unhappy when our expectations of reality exceed our experiences of reality.” Our perceived happiness and feelings of success can be heavily influenced by our expectations of what we think reality should be. Personally, if I have an idea or plan I like to stick to it. Why not? If I have a perceived plan, I ultimately will know what’s going to happen, right? As much as I’d like to think my plans go exactly how I anticipate them, that’s not always the case. Learning the hard way that although planning and organizing are great, having an equal amount of flexibility and awareness to adapt to the changing world around us is just as important.
A very specific example of letting go of expectations and learning how to adapt would be the last semester of my Senior year of College at The University of Minnesota Duluth. I graduated this May as a part of the 2020 class. When I left for my spring break, I had no idea I wouldn’t be returning. Not finishing up my last semester at school, not having a graduation ceremony, not being able to say goodbye to friends, professors, or the city I’ve lived in for four years was devastating. All of a sudden, the expectations I had when leaving for spring break would shortly become irrelevant. After the initial blow of finding out that my last semester wasn’t what I thought it was going to be, it led me to understand that although I have every right to be upset, I can’t let that disappointment control the determination I had before the COVID-19 outbreak happened. My life doesn’t stop because I’m disappointed in a certain outcome. The only option is to keep pushing forward which is so tough at times, but worth it when I can see the manifestation of my progress.
It’s hard to let go of plans, ideas, or certain expectations we’ve set for ourselves, but why is that? I spent a lot of time wondering why it was so hard for me personally to let go of plans that are no longer going to work, or ideas that aren’t manifesting themselves in the way I thought they would. This is largely due to the fear of rejection and comparison. Nobody wants to feel minimized because they have to switch their original plan. It would be a lie if I said I didn’t feel a little judgment every now and then from friends and family during reunions or get-togethers, explaining why certain plans haven’t worked. Judgment can be hard when it comes from people you care about and look up to, but that feeling doesn’t compare to the damage you do to your own mental health and wellbeing when you compare yourself to others.
This leads me into my next lesson: The more you compare yourself to what people around you are doing, the less time you’ll have to work on your own happiness. The horrible cycle of comparison can be an easy trap to fall into. I understand that it’s necessary to struggle in order to truly appreciate successes, but I recognize how it can be discouraging when the expectations you set for yourself are not a reality. Another point Nate Ware made in his TED Talk was, “…we compare our reality to the reality of others. Put simply, we judge ourselves based on what we experience around us.” This process is what Nate calls the interpersonal gap. As an example, how I judge myself is loosely based on comparing my own successes with those around me. This can lead me to think I haven’t done enough or that I need to do more in order to feel successful around those who are of a similar age. What I’m learning slowly but surely is that success doesn’t just have to be based on “the norm.” Success isn’t measured by the qualifications on paper, it’s the experiences you have that shape you into a better person. There should be no shame in living life the way you want to, and although judgment and criticism can occur, that shouldn’t stop you.
My last lesson is that life shouldn’t be 100% serious. As I get older, I do see areas of my life becoming more stressful and urgent. The issue I sometimes have is determining when I can spare time to be able to destress and find ways to laugh during the day. Growing up, I always loved making others laugh around me. This is a characteristic I still have to this day and it’s one that I believe makes me successful. In every position I’ve been in whether that’s professional or not, I try to show others around me that you can still be hard working and have fun at the same time. I don’t know if I’ll ever be 100% serious in life. Even when I’m fifty, I still want to try to channel that part of my personality that likes to have fun.
One of the assumptions I have is that when we take life too seriously, that’s when the stress of perfectionism and expectations becomes our main focus. When I was eighteen I didn’t really know who I was. A part of me felt like I needed to strive for perfection and set high expectations for myself in order to feel “successful” around others. In reality, that was diminishing my own happiness and I didn’t know how to replace that feeling. Once I made a few friends who were older than me, I was able to see how comfortable they were with themselves. The common thread amongst their happiness was that they didn’t take life so seriously to the point where their expectations exceed reality. Our happiness can diminish when we start to take life seriously to the point where we no longer live for ourselves, but rather live to please others. Reaching that balance of working hard while still having fun and enjoying life is very achievable. Once you let go of expectations that are holding you back, and start making changes for yourself that are necessary, the feeling of success will come naturally.
It’s important to have a set of values that you can live by to improve your own personal goals. At Find Your Power, we strive towards diversity, collaboration, inclusion, positive social impact, and respect. In order to develop your own values, it’s important to ask yourself a few questions regarding your own expectations. For this next section, grab a pen and paper to answer these questions for yourself! This set of questions and tips will help you develop your own values and assist you in learning how to let go of certain expectations.
What’s your true motivation? – what’s the explanation behind your words or actions?
Think of your expected outcome and the worst-case scenario – Can you handle anything less than your ideal result?
Have alternatives when you can – There’s nothing wrong with having a backup plan to assist you in moving on.
Don’t take things too seriously or personally – You can control your emotions and motives, however you can’t control someone else’s. Don’t be too upset if someone doesn’t think or act the same way you do.
Take inspired action – You should always act on inspiration and drive.
Accept human frailty – Even if you mess up now and then, learn to accept those mistakes and move on from them. Nobody’s perfect but don’t let those feelings hinder your motivation.
Forget about it – Once you do something, complete it and then let go. There’s no need to sit around and wait for validation or feedback.
“Loving yourself is the greatest revolution.” – Unknown
That quote seems simple, but it really struck me, because I am someone who personally struggles to simply love myself. Self love brings an entirely different definition and perception to the idea and concept of love. Each of us are coexisting as individuals that all have some type of insecurity. This topic always holds so much depth to the emotions, feelings and experiences that are attached to body image and self-acceptance. I, like most of you reading, know exactly what I am talking about, because we as humans seem to be aggressively critical of ourselves when the discussion or thought of body-image comes about. I can easily admit that I relate to this ongoing internal battle with myself. This battle we put onto ourselves that we somehow think will help us find self-love or self-acceptance.
Discussions surrounding body image and accepting the skin we are in can be a challenge, and even triggering to some. Social standards and social constructions of what a human is supposed to appear as has saturated a realistic approach to body image. No matter the definition of being “healthy” or not “healthy”, we are all aware of it in our daily lives. Some may be more affected than others, they may be abled or disabled, suffering or recovering from an eating disorder; we are all human at the end of the day. We all deserve to be happy in our own skin and we all deserve to love ourselves. It’s important to remember that if we all ate the same and exercised the same, we would all still have different bodies. Above all, health is not a factor of your self-worth. It is essential to include the discussion and recognize the struggle of how difficult it can be to love and accept yourself on the inside as well as on the outside. Both rhetorics are equally important when it comes to insecurities and even comparison.
The world we live in currently has brought many challenges to this life-long obstacle of self-acceptance we all struggle with to some degree. As many of our normalcy has shifted to new routines or new ways of coping with a pandemic, our lives mentally and physically have shifted as well. First and foremost, it is important to recognize and embrace that that is okay. It is okay to struggle and to feel uncomfortable or negative emotions towards body image or changes in your mental health, now and at any point in your life. We are all on our own unique and individual journey of learning to love and fully accept who we are on the inside and the outside. Most importantly, this journey of self-acceptance is a journey of being gentle to how we view ourselves and others.
The way humans consume social constructs of society can be an extremely sensitive and emotional part of our lives that many of us choose to bottle up inside or process internally. When faced with these struggles, I, like most people, do not know where to go next or what to do to improve my perspective of how I view myself. If anything, I often find myself being my biggest enemy and become victim to my negative thought patterns of comparison and self-doubt. I recognize in my own journey that this process of self-acceptance is a lifelong experience and I believe that I have a long way to go in terms of feeling content with my own perception of myself.
Although my journey entails years more of inner reflection, I have found that small acts of progress have made my harder days easier and my good days better. Self-image struggles can show up when you least expect it or can be identified through various triggers that are unique to every individual. To put it simply, a reality and a truth I have come to terms with is that life is too short to spend another day at war with yourself. We as a society must come to terms with our imperfections and start seeing them as our small pieces of individuality that represent who we are. It is up to you whether or not you are going to choose to accept it fully and EMBRACE who you are inside and out. It is time to start growing a foundation of love and positivity towards yourself instead of waging an ongoing war of comparison and self-depreciation inside your head. Growth mentally and physically should be celebrated, but that choice is entirely up to you! You have to wake up in the morning each day and make a cognitive choice of how you choose to talk to yourself, what you choose to consume yourself, both physically and online; you must choose to pursue a journey of self-acceptance.
Here are various ways we as humans can cope day-to-day by focusing on the following:
1. Identify the things you do like about your body and start loving them.
2. Recognize you are not at fault. You have nothing to be at fault about.
3. Exchange any shame you have for yourself (and any perceived faults) with forgiveness.
4. Get to the root of your self-body-hate issues. Do what you can to heal them; look at them. Give them space. And then let them go.
5. Work towards your ideal vision of your body and mind, not anyone else’s ideal vision. And then give yourself grace. None of us are ideal anything, most of the time.
6. Embrace the individual beauty of your body and your individuality as a person. (Unchain yourself from the media’s conditioning)
7. Show gratitude for your mind and your body.
Your journey is entirely up to you and how you choose to take accountability for the struggles and faults that bring you down. That is your own power that no one can ever take away from you! Please know you are stronger than you think and braver than you know. Moving forward, I have personally committed myself to a lifelong journey of self-acceptance and the first step to that journey was admitting to myself that it is something that needs to be a part of my life, in order to feel secure in my own mind and well being. We are all capable of so much and admitting that to ourselves is the first step in the right direction towards peace and progression in self-acceptance.
After many weeks have passed by in self-quarantine, I have found myself longing for more and more ways to feel connected with humans; a sense of belonging or inclusion. This has put me in a unique situation like no other. It is the first time where I have found myself to be somewhat stuck. That is when I knew I needed to think out of the box, go the extra mile, try something new, and simply try my best to make this new reality the best it can be. It is important to remember that the stress, anxiety, and uncertainty of a global pandemic can bring new and uncomfortable emotions that can disrupt our everyday lives. We as a society are potentially left with limited ways to carry on as we always have and even make ends meet week-to-week. This can be disruptive and challenging for many individuals and families. I too, was left with all of these uncomfortable emotions and needed to turn to those around me for extra support. I personally have not seen anyone in my community/inner circle in almost two months. Once I recognized that my emotions were stemming from my isolation, I knew the only way I could make my situation better was to act on it. Although I had conflicting emotions inside and wanted to draw inward, I knew I would help myself and my friends by sending some kind words and asking how they were doing. I decided to reach out and text three of my friends. It can be hard to reach out first as this has been a personal challenge of mine for months, but you have to start somewhere. It may seem somewhat simple and insignificant to some, but we are living in unprecedented times, and connection is largely through electronics; a simple text means so much to me and you never know how much it could mean to someone else within your community.
We are all different in many ways and can process emotions very differently. It is important to ground yourself somewhere. Looking inwards and reflecting on my own emotions motivated me to reach out to those around me, because I knew they were likely going through similar emotions. Having a sense of community can be a valuable aspect to this new way of life we are all trying to adjust to, we must understand and embrace that; we must create a new normal.
When we think about what means the most to us, many are probably thinking about loved ones, like close friends, family, neighbors, or co-workers. These people we surround ourselves with become one with our identity and can create a sense of connection and network. These circles of community look differently for everyone. Some may view their community much differently than others, but we all find community somehow within our day-to-day life. Humans thrive best when surrounded by inclusive and supportive people that build a positive foundation that interlaces amongst each other. It can be easy to fall into a certain routine or cycle of normalcy during times like these. You may feel depleted one day and find yourself with no energy for any form of interaction. Other days you may find yourself craving a day full of human interaction and a sense of belonging. It is important to remember that it will not be easy to meet these needs of the community every day, especially when you potentially may feel more distant and unconnected than usual, but there are also many things you can do to build your community around you, while simultaneously building up your best self.
Even though we as a society are undergoing unprecedented times of physical isolation, it does not mean we have to be completely isolated. The internet and online platforms can allow you to reach people across the world, which can allow for our communities to grow globally. Communities do not have to have geographical barriers, especially during times like these. Resources like the internet and social media can expand our opportunities and can create new ways of interaction and communication.
How to jumpstart building your community during unprecedented times
Changing your perspective
It can be easy to fall into patterns of habit and even harder to jump out of your comfort zone. Many of us may view the world in a me vs. them mindset that can hinder confidence to lend a reaching hand to a friend or family member. Challenge yourself daily to focus on self-awareness and re-evaluate how you perceive others. Visualization can be a great tool to better understand yourself and allows for genuine time spent on reflection of your current situation and how you can make it better. Also, take some time to think of other’s perspectives and try to understand their circumstances. This may help you better collaborate with others within your community. It can be difficult at first to break old patterns of thinking, but try your best to make yourself accountable during these times, especially if you are wanting to build up those around you. By changing your perspective or altering the way you see others, you are opening opportunities to see others in new ways which may motivate you to make a new friend or reach out to someone you have not connected with in a while. They are only one message away, and I am sure this would only create more positivity in their life as well.
2. Small Acts of Kindness
Our society is hurting in many ways and it is important to recognize that all of us are affected differently, in social, mental, and economic ways by COVID-19. No matter what others circumstances are, small acts of kindness or friendly gestures can go a long way and may mean more to those in your community right now. Being mindful of others and going the extra mile can truly impact someone else more than you may know and often those gestures motivate others to spread kindness as well. Simply reaching out to someone you care about can only enhance the strength of being connected in your community or help build a new one. Small acts of kindness can look like a quick phone call to a friend, or donating to your co-worker’s charity, or spending extra time helping your friend on a project they are passionate about. A simple “Hello, how are you?” is a meaningful act that shows you are present and that you care. General practices of gratitude, compassion, and empathy are great ways to create positive and healthy habits in your life that will not only build you up, but will build those within your community as well.
3. Make the effort
It can be troubling or stressful to some who may struggle to find new ways to connect with others in your community. There are always new opportunities to build community or start a conversation, even though reaching out first to a friend or family member can be hard sometimes. Jack Ricchiuto believes that “Community is about the degree of connection not the scope of consumption. It happens when people move from self-interest to mutual-interest.” It is important to stay consistent with making an effort once you have reached out or made that initiative to connect with someone in your life. At the end of the day, you never truly know what someone else is going through. You also must realize that the fear of rejection can not control your success in strengthening your community or building new relationships in your life. Fear of rejection can be a challenge, especially for myself at times, but it is best to remember that this effort you make will reward you in the end and positively impact someone else in your circle, or even outside your circle. If you never take a chance, you will never know what kind of fruitful and rewarding relationships may come from it. I invite you to make that effort no matter the amount of fear of rejection you may hold inside you.
4. Jump out of your comfort zone
While many of us may have more time on our hands, it could be valuable to you and your community to use this extra time by trying something new. This can grow your inner circle and also introduces you to new people that are also trying new things. Jumping out of your comfort zone can allow you to share your new experiences or hobbies with those in your community and can motivate them to get out of their comfort zone too. Take this time and reflect on yourself. Look inwards and dive deep into a past dream or goal of yours and make it a reality. This can be small like making new cleanings habits in your home, practicing a new language, or making a new recipe. When you try something new, it allows you to create new goals for yourself. You can share these new goals with others and potentially motivate them to hold you accountable as well. New ambitions or endeavors also expand your pool of connection and open doors to new people and new ideas, even if it is all through the internet or your cell phone!
Don’t forget that we are all in this together and small steps to building up those around you will only add more value and positivity to this new life we are co-creating.
“If you look at what you have in life, you’ll always have more. If you look at what you don’t have in life, you’ll never have enough.” – Oprah Winfrey
Sometimes it can seem like there will be no silver linings.
It is exhausting forcing yourself to find a silver lining when hope is low. Redirect that energy and create your own bright side. View each thought as a boomerang—whatever you exhibit comes back to you.
Life is full of uncertainties. Sometimes it’s not knowing whether you’ll get that dream job, or sometimes it’s not knowing what you’ll have for dinner. Following a car crash last year, it was easy for me to crawl into a dark place. And believe me, I started to. I was out of a car, money, and dramatically enough, sanity. I was not sure when or even if I was going to mentally and financially recover. All I focused on was what I no longer had. It’s more than okay to feel the loss and to feel sad, even traumatized, but it’s vital to our well-being to take action towards finding solutions. Feeling trapped in situations, like in limbo, means that there are no vibrations flowing anywhere. This “paused” feeling is very real, even if the situations themselves are only occurring in our head, replaying like a scratched part of a DVD. There is no circulation of intentions or any actions being performed. I had negativity glasses on that only made me see the bad side of most things. Our minds are connected to the Universe through a web of chain reactions fueled by energy. Picture the Universe as a receiver of our gift of energy. If we are clutching onto the gift (erm, that’s a little selfish!), there is no opportunity for a response. However, if we give to the Universe, It has something to react to. We stop the flow of energy if we are holding onto what we lack in life, but if we focus on what we do have, the flow of vibration continues. The Universe always welcomes with open arms—we have to give It something to receive!
After being overwhelmed by pessimistic thoughts, I gradually came to the realization that the amount of effort you put into the world, you will receive. It took feeling tired of this detrimental mindset in order for me to take small steps like journaling. It seems so simple, but I realized that the physical car did not equate happiness.
It can be so instinctive to fixate on past or future events. Something else that is a natural human instinct is the desire to stick to a routine, which brings me to my first tip:
Take Advantage of being a Creature of Habit
It is helpful to maintain steadiness in several areas of life. Learn to benefit from the fact that humans are capable of adjusting to patterns. One way to accomplish stability is through journaling. Although my car accident was physical, it caused a whirlwind of emotions. Once I was ready to transfer my internal confusions onto paper, things began to change for me. The cherry on top was the feeling of pride and independence that grew within me over time. It was my own inner-strength that led to positive change. I maintain my journaling routine by devoting the time right before I go to bed to reflect on my day, a pen in one hand, and a cup of tea in the other. I do not judge any thoughts that come into my head, or attempt to make my journal entries “pretty”—I spill my thoughts out on the pages. Talking to yourself is next (yes, that’s right). Journaling and speaking things into existence can go hand-in-hand. If you don’t hear it, how are you going to believe it? Assure yourself that you are worthy of abundance. It is evident that performing an act for as little as two and a half weeks forces it to become a habitual behavior. Find a time to dedicate yourself to these actions. Maybe speak self-affirmations after you wake up, and journal before you go to sleep. If you’re unsure where to start, write or self-affirm using the present tense. Here are some examples:
In unknown times, affirmations may be the only security. The key is to convert your inner desires into tangible works so the Universe can tend to them. Having desires is one thing, but putting these into action shows the Universe that your actions are in alignment with your intentions.
Put Your Money Where Your Mind Is
Spring cleaning is not solely for donating that old stereo in the back of your closet. Your mind is also deserving of some decluttering. Eliminate distractions that do not further your aspirations. This differs for everyone—it may mean shutting off the news, limiting social media/screen time, or canceling a monthly subscription. Think of your money as part of your being because they do affect each other. Picture your thoughts being as valuable as your money. You wouldn’t spend hard-earned pay on useless stuff, so why waste energy on useless things? This will only further you from your growth mindset. Set aside time to educate yourself on investments, paying off debt, or boosting savings. Gather excitement for whatever topic it is. It could be as simple as researching how to eat out on a budget. Personally, once I started practicing my positive mentality, I found peers reaching out to me about job offers and collaborations. We live in a time of instant gratification and instant validation. Trust in your process, no matter how long it takes, and prosperity will find its way back to you. Pinch your priorities as much as your pennies.
Visualize Short-Term before Long-Term
It is no secret that working towards a reward is much easier than never imagining a conclusion. A long-term goal should embody this motto: dream big! As much as you should strive to achieve overall dreams, keep in mind these are fueled by short-term goals. If it feels difficult to establish multiple goals, especially in such uncertain times, start with manifesting one. Write it down on the page next to your affirmations ☺. Sometimes having a big end goal can seem frightening, so break it up into smaller, more manageable chunks as a way of working towards it. As more and more baby steps are taken, the end goal does not seem so scary. Declare that there are no punishments, only rewards!
It can be exhausting to see the light at the end of the tunnel if it feels like there is constant darkness. Thankfully, thoughts are powerful and goals can be attained through a high level of personal belief. Remember that the Universe has your back and get comfortable with uncertainty.
Manifest your own silver lining. I am rooting for you.
My most recent burst of transformational growth came in the form of an ADHD diagnosis. This came as a surprise, as usually ADHD is diagnosed at a much younger age, when symptoms become apparent in the classroom. I was diagnosed at 21, as a senior in college, an odd time to adjust to something that so profoundly affects every aspect of your life. But that’s why it gave me the opportunity to experience not only personal growth, but a transformation. To transform, almost every aspect of your life must change- some in bigger ways, and some smaller. It sounds daunting, but when you tip the first domino, the rest will follow. It’s scary, but risks are necessary for growth. What felt like my first risk was the choice to finally ask my doctor about ADHD.
In the months before I decided to bring it up to my doctor, I had frustrated friends vent to me about their own ADHD symptoms- and they sounded a little too familiar. My doctor started asking me follow up questions, and taking notes. A lot of notes. Afterwards, he nodded and gently suggested I start on medication. A week later, I felt more normal than I’d ever felt in my life. Suddenly, in my Spanish class, I could really hear what my professor was saying. It’s a hard feeling to describe, especially after years of believing I was just a spacey person or feeling like a bad student. Instead of my professor calling on me and having the realization that I had no idea what he had just been talking about, he called on me and I responded quickly in Spanish. (He always seemed pleasantly surprised by this. “Bien, Ella! Correcto!”). I was able to sit down and focus, powering through assignments which used to feel impossible to complete. I didn’t feel like I needed to take 20 minutes or more to focus, only to tear myself away with frustration a half hour afterwards. It no longer felt like I was constantly fighting with myself.
While I spent the overwhelming majority of my academic career feeling enormous guilt for what I considered to be unfortunate personal traits- forgetfulness, spaciness, etc., and struggling to compensate for them. Now I have an explanation. The hours I had spent dragging myself through my homework, at my worst forcing myself to do 5 minutes of work with a 20 minute break afterwards, made sense. And while I had already been compensating for tendencies I had enormous guilt for, now I was able to have an explanation. My diagnosis has given me the opportunity to know myself better. Not only did it explain years of behavior I had chalked up to teenage hormones, but it also gave me the power to grow into myself even more. After starting my medication, I applied for dozens of internships- a task I had previously written off to those students who also have 4.0 GPAs and seemed otherwise “perfect”- and after a couple of interviews, was offered my current position at Find Your Power. I started procrastinating less, making calls and appointments and sending emails at the thought instead of putting it off until later.
All of this is not to say that I don’t still struggle with my symptoms. The cruel joke of ADHD medication is that you have to remember to take it. I still forget some days, and don’t realize what I’ve done until I’m halfway through my day and staring at a page for minutes before realizing I haven’t read a word. It wears off in the afternoons or evenings, when I sometimes let myself unfocus instead of taking my second dose, which might keep me up when I try to go to bed. No matter what, there are always going to be days that are worse than others. No one’s path to transformational growth is a straight line.
My ADHD can be a weakness. Sometimes a huge one! But when you know your own weaknesses, you can accept and compensate for them. What’s yours? Maybe you, like me, have been waving away the notion you might have an attention deficit disorder. Ask your doctor at your next appointment! Or maybe you always put off grocery shopping until the last minute? Start having them delivered. If you don’t have Amazon Prime or something similar, you might have to pay a few dollars, but you’ll stop putting it off until there’s nothing in your fridge and you resort to going through the drive-thru on your way home. Maybe you hate folding clothes, so all the laundry that belongs in your dresser is always wrinkled? Try putting everything on hangers, even t-shirts. Nothing is stopping you, and all of these examples, no matter how small they may seem, will improve your quality of life and help you grow in other ways as well. When you are taking the first step, it seems like the marathon is overwhelming, but all you need to do is keep walking, no matter how fast your stride.
Transformation is not an easy task, or something that happens overnight. It requires daily work, and motivation to keep trying everyday. You have to look at yourself and your habits very critically. Some days feel much easier than others. But it’s something everyone can accomplish. A habit can be formed in as little as 18 days– that’s just a little over two weeks to make a significant change.
I’m looking forward to 2020 being the first year of my life where I am able to really focus and accomplish tasks. I’m so excited because everything I normally set aside for a day where I would miraculously “feel like it,”’ are things that I now feel capable of doing.
Please note: this blog post is not advocating for you, the reader, to be medicated. Amphetamines commonly used to treat ADHD are among those that are very often abused by students in adolesence and young adulthood. While I am confident medication is the right choice for me, right now, it is not the right choice for everyone and shouldn’t be used without a prescription.